Loving You As A Rainbow

Loving you as enjoying the beauty of a rainbow
For me today you look like a blue
Since today I am pretty much missing you
Loving you as enjoying the beauty of a rainbow
Yesterday you seemed a little bit yellow
Because yesterday you made me mellow
Loving you as enjoying the beauty of a rainbow
I hope tomorrow you are not going to be red
Because that means that you make me mad
Loving you as enjoying the beauty of a rainbow
So everyday you will always be pink
Because everyday I am in love with you, I think
^_^

The Toughest Decision To Make

On Wednesday last week, I have got to went back to Veterinary Clinic for my cat, Frosty. His FUS problem was getting even worse. I found him last week with his pupil as small as a stripe line after refused to eat anything for almost three days. I knew straight away there was something wrong with him so I called his Vet.
Today, I went to visit him at the clinic. He was a little bit better and his pupil back to normal. I felt sorry for him seeing all those I.V and catheter tugged in to his skinny body. And it was really broke my heart when he stood up and tried to walk toward me and my man as he probably thought that we came to picked him up and took him home. Oh…I’m sorry baby, it was not the time yet.
After finished cheer him up a little bit, we went to talked with the Vet and the news that we got made me even more miserable. The Vet asked me and my man to started thinking about the worse scenario. Since this is the sixth times he went back to the clinic so obviously this situation is stressful for him as for us. And because of the caused of the disease is still unsure yet so there is no certain treatment can be done apart from a specific diet that he has to do. But, this was not worked on him either as we tried before. So, the Vet asked us to started thinking about putting him down because we have to think about his uncomfortable situation with his bladder that always makes him dripping all over the place and how difficult for him just to do his pee but could not make it. The Vet said, maybe we have to pull him out of this misery and let him go. Or, the other thing that we can do is to do the operation to cut off his penis and make him became a female cat, but that does not make him stop dripping everywhere either and of course it’s going to make him even more miserable. A transsexual operation? I was like, no way, Jose! Not my baby!
As we went back home, my man tried to convinced me that that was probably the best thing to do considering how hard for us seeing him suffered like today. Maybe we have to let him go to a better place where he can get the cure for his condition. But, how could I? He is my baby! And isn’t it true that they said that cat has nine lives? And if this is his sixth times, he still got three other lives, isn’t he? And honestly, how could you make such a decision like that? Gosh, this is going to be the toughest decision to make for me! Help…anyone?
^_^

You Are Not My Everything

The first time we met, I already knew that I had some kind of a feeling for you. But my common sense said that I had to pulled myself back as I did know that there wasn’t any future for us. As a matter of fact, there was no us. But as a man, you were convinced me that we should give it a try, so yeah, you won and I followed you even though during our journey together we had so many signs said that we were not meant for each other, but hey, they said love is blind and that was what happened, I supposed. I was in the middle of a bored term of my life. I don’t know why, maybe because of I have got so many things in life made me felt like my life was so flat, no challenged what so ever. Then I met you, a different kind of guy, so pushy, so manly, so arrogant, knew what you wanted in life, so full of confrontation, exactly what I was looking for in a guy. So yeah, I fell for you big time. Even though in your moody period, I still fell for you. Because for the first time, I was faced a guy who can control me and refused to spoiled me like other guys in my short list of boyfriends. Yeah, for the first time I listened to a man. For the first time, I compromised. For the first time, I negotiated my thought with yours. For the first time, I recognized us as a phrase, not like normally I only knew me, myself, and I. You changed me for better and I was grateful for that, I still do. But the thing is, you are not my everything. You are not the place where I stop stepping. It was so wrong what I did to you, but I can’t avoid the truth. You are just not the one and I was just not that in to you. I was fell for you, that’s the truth, but you are not my everything. So when it’s time for me to choose, I will choose him over you. I will stop my steps when I am with him. I will stop looking when I am right next to him. I will close my eyes when I sleep next to him. I will tight myself to his handcuffs. Because they said even an angel doesn’t have to has wings, doesn’t have to surrounded by a bright shiny spark, doesn’t have to looks beautiful, but if I compare his love over yours, even an angel knows who’s going to win. I wish I could say something different to you but I just couldn’t. I have to live in reality over a fantasy and yeah, you are a fantasy. My dreams, my sweet-sweet dreams. So if now that you are angry and hate me because of that, there is nothing I could do. But one thing for sure, I never think of you as a mistake. Because you are not. You are the truth, the painful truth that hit me badly. The next step for my grown up test and I think I passed it, don’t you?
“To My Holiday In Goa”
^_^

Searching True Love

When I fall in love, it will be forever
Or I never fall in love again
When I fall in love, it will be completely
Or I never fall in love again
(When I Fall In Love - Nat King Cole)

How many true loves that you can have in your life? Wise man said that true love never dies and I bought that words since I was a kid. I was always dreaming that one day I will find a guy who I really love and love me back then we are going to get married and live happily ever after. Such a naïve dream, I know, but I was always had a feeling that it will come true for some reasons.
So yeah, when I was in high school and there was this guy who was all over me and he was kind of cute. Honestly, I was not really in to him but since he was a hunk in school so I was thought, why not? After a while, I found out that he was a very nice guy and yeah, I have to admitted that I was falling for him afterwards. At that time I thought that he was going to be the one that I was looking for. But of course, I was wrong. It was only my puppy love after all.
Then when I was in my University, I was fell in love with my classmate and seriously, I was really into him and I really thought that he was the one. Or maybe I was hoping that he was going to be the one. But again, I was wrong. We were not even made it to our first year. After a while and experimented with some short relationship here and there, I met a guy who is really every parents dreams and he was my senior in University. My mom fell in love with him right away when I first introduced him to her. So once again I thought my searching of true love was ended here. But once again, I was wrong. We did make it to our fourth year but it didn’t stop me from leaving him since I didn’t feel any strong connection with him. I have got a feeling that I liked him just because of my parents love him and they had a strong hoped for us at that moment.
Then almost ten years ago, I met a guy who again I thought was my true love. And again, I thought my searching for true love was finally ended. Well, we have made it to our tenth year now, and everyone thought that we are perfect together. But I don’t know. Is that really that my searching of true love is eventually ended here? To be honest, I am not sure about it. Because I am just a human being and I sure am still have my desires. But for this moment in time, I really do hope that he is indeed my true love since I felt kind of tired of looking for one.
^_^

Stickwitu

Nobody ever loved me better
I must stick with you forever
Nobody is going to take me higher
I must stick with you
You know how to appreciated
I must stick with you, my baby
Nobody ever makes me feel this way
I must stick with you
(Stickwitu - Pussycat Dolls)

My dear friend and I have a conversation a couple days ago about our men. This thing came because of for some reasons, we are in a position where we feel bored with our love life. No, not because of we don’t love our men anymore but simply just because of we are bored. And this situation makes us feeling guilty since they never do anything wrong. But after almost ten years together, we think we have a right to feel bored, don’t we?
Here is the thing, our men are the man of every woman would dream of. Good guy, responsible, loyal, quite good looking, and the most important thing is they are financially settled. So, I know what you guys thinking, what else could we ask for? We knew that we are the luckiest girls in town and we knew that any girl would give up anything just to be in our shoes. But yeah, we can not lie to ourselves and yeah, we are bored. Maybe we are kind of girls who doesn’t know how to thanks for all of privileges that we have got in life, but hey, we are just a normal human being.
Then along came a girl who we knew for quite sometime, who is always said that she is always unlucky in love. Either a guy never take her seriously or just want to play around with her or the worst one is that they all just want to take advantage of her. She was always skeptical when it comes to a relationship and said that all guys are the same. Seeing her in that position wakes us up and makes us realized how lucky we are. Yeah, while most of the girls struggling to find their men, here we are having a steady relationship with an almost perfect gentleman and still bored.
So yeah, this blog is actually dedicated to our men, specially mine. I would like him to know that I now realized how lucky I am and yeah, for sure I will stick with him, I must. I know I never said that I love him lately, but now I want him to know that I do indeed loving him. Still, I feel bored with us but I will stick with him because as the song said, nobody ever loved me better, nobody’s going to take me higher, nobody ever makes me feel this way, I must stick with you.
^_^

While You Were In Bali

This blog is actually a sequel of my previous blog ‘A Time To Remember’. After finished our afternoon wines at a place calls Klapa, we were then headed to a restaurant names Kembang Goela. The place is actually not that big but just perfect. This is my first time here but I strongly recommended this restaurant to anyone who is looking for Indonesian food. Yeah, this is an Indonesian Food restaurant that is so perfect and simply delicious. The menu was so simple, it will not confused you in any way. I really hate a restaurant with so many food choices that drive you to confusing state when it comes to pick what to order. And it was probably because we were so starving after what happened in our previous place (check on my previous blog to know what I mean), that made us finished our meal in almost a split second. Everyone like enjoyed the food silently. It was so nice.
If you are planning to go to Bali for holiday and stuffs, I also suggest you guys to try a coffee shop calls Barocco, right at corner of Seminyak road. This coffee shop is own by an Italian so yeah, it’s an Italian coffee shop with a perfect selection of cakes. Well, the cakes are actually a little bit more expensive compares to other normal coffee shop in Bali, but once you taste it, you will not talk about this issue no more. Because honestly they are so delicious makes you forget about how much you should pay for them! Not to mention their cute bartender that makes all of my girlfriends screamed!
If you are a party goers then I should suggest you to check on a club calls Living Room (see the picture above). For some people, they called the place as a snobby place that full of white linen guys. You know, guys who love to wear white linen shirt and white linen see through pants? But, for me and my friends, this place quite nice and civilized since the club itself is not too big and just nice. The most important thing is people there stay with their crowd and not really bother others. Like I said, they are more civilized. But, if you are prefer a more lively place, then you should check on Déjà vu. This place is in the middle of party scene in Seminyak, Bali and the place is more crowded and yeah, more lively, specially on the weekend. And did I mention the DJ here are the best? Well, at least one of them, who is so cool so when he plays on his booth all of the girls went nuts. One of the girl I know said that she doesn’t have to be drunk as a skunk just to be dancing around like one when he played. Crazy? Exactly!

And the party does not end up there, oh no, not yet. Every time you go out at night in Bali, the last stop has to be the old crooner 66 Club. This club so famous, people even said that you haven't been to Bali yet unless you have been there. So yeah, this place is a must! Well, actually I don't really like this place anymore compare to the first time I came to Bali and went in. Recently, there are so many annoying people over there and the atmosphere is not the same anymore. But yeah, what can I say, this place is an old crooner that refused to retired.
So guys, those are some places that you should visit while you were in Bali. See you in the island of God guys!!!
^_^

A Night To Remember

If you are planning to come to Bali, the island of God, then you have to check this place out. It calls Klapa, in English means Coconut. This name is probably has something to do with its location which is at the beach, Dreamland beach that is. First when my friends talked about this place, I was kind of okay. First because of its location is too far away, puts me a little bit off since as a normal girl I am useless when it comes to find a secluded place like this. Yeah, the place is in the middle of nowhere. And it took like almost an hour to get there from my normal hang out place. For me, it means miles away.
But yeah, since this is a new hang out place then of course my friends and I want to check it out. So here we are, luckily we have got a friend who is local guy who understand the place more than us. So yeah, we were there yesterday and it was cool. This place owns by the late Indonesian former dictator’s youngest son so go figure, how beautiful the place is. And it’s not even 100% ready yet. The lounge is already there but the club is still under renovation. The view was fantastic, too bad the weather was not so good yesterday so we could not get the beautiful sunset that we supposed to as everyone told us. But yeah, the place is beautiful and civilized, for sure.
Then we ordered drinks which was a little bit disaster. When we were there, the waiter said that they are having a happy hour so every drink that we order they will give us another drink for free. We were like, cool. So yeah, we were having white wines and just enjoying ourselves. Until half an hour before the happy hour finished, we ordered another drinks then we waited for our drinks with patient. Fifteen minutes passed, still no drinks. Twenty minutes, nope. When we just about canceled our order, then along came the waiter right at the time when they finished their happy hour. What a timing! So yeah, they said we didn’t get any free drinks with this order since the happy hour was finished. We were like, who cares? We were not there for any free things. But their trick was so low. Seriously, we just wanted our drinks and get out of the place since we were planned to have dinner at Kembang Goela restaurant which is another hour drive from that place. So yeah, we don’t care about free drinks but we do care about our belly and we were starving after those wines. But if we allowed to give a little advise, please don’t do that trick on any of your customers, it was so cheap and not cool at all. Specially when someone order wines which only need your bartender to pour it from the bottle to a glass, even an amateur can do it in five minutes. But half an hour? Just to avoid happy hour? It’s pathetic! Come on, not suitable for an exclusive place like yours.
^_^

Exit Permit

We were as one, babe for the moment in time
And it seemed everlasting that you will always be mine
Now you want to be free, so I’m letting you fly
‘Cause I know if my heart, babe our love will never die, no
You’re always be part of me
I’m part of you, definitely
Girl, don’t you know you can’t escaped me
Oh darling, ’cause you’re always be my baby
And we’re linger on
Time can’t erase the feeling this strong
No way, you never going to sack me
Oh darling, ‘cause you’re always be my baby
(Always Be My Baby - David Cook)

I was listening to the song above on my car stereo while driving to work and something just hit me on the head right away. Yeah, why can’t anyone (I mean men) said that to us (I mean girls). The thing is, every time my friend and I plan to go out at night, we always have to ask permission to our men. That was okay actually if they can understand us and let us go with pleasure. But no, they were always like asking so many questions, and set the time for us to go home. How not cool was that? One day my friend asked our other friend who is Japanese girl if she has to ask permission to her boyfriend first if she wants to go out at night. And she looked at us with a funny look and said that she will tell her boyfriend that she wants to go out but not asking for his permission because after all, she still has her own life even if she is indeed with him at the moment. We were like, exactly! That is what we think as well, but not according our men!
So yeah, whenever we were out we were like checking our watch every minute and that was so irritating! My man actually is not too bad because I sometime still can negotiate with him and he is actually a cool guy who used to go out a lot. So he was kind of understand why I still want to go out with my friends. But my friend’s man, Gosh…he was like calling or texting my friend to check on her like every minute even if we go out during the day! That is why my friend and I sometime did not answer our man’s phone calls when we were out together. Because we knew what is going to happen. They were like asking us where we were, who we with, what time we will be home, those kind of question that made us feel like aaarrrggghhh! Then yeah, we prefer not to answer their phone call because whether we talk to them or not, they are still going to get angry and there still will be arguments later or so why would we ruin our day out with that? Why not just wait until we were home and face it afterwards?
My friend and I had a serious conversation about this one day and we were like yeah, if a guy love you like he said he does, he should be trust you enough to let you go out with your friends and just have fun, right? Because he knew that you will always come back to him since you are always be his baby, right? Yeah, and if you determine to leave, he will not standing your way, right? Because he knew that you will always come back, right? And yeah, we do like partying still. There's nothing wrong with that, right? Come on guys, ask David Cook! He’ll tell you!
^_^

My Birthday Bashed

As you guys know, last week was my birthday and I celebrated it with my closest friends. My birthday was actually on Wednesday but because of it was midweek then my friends and I decided it to celebrated it on Friday night with a single party. Yup, no partners allowed. On Friday morning when I woke up, I was so grateful that the sky was as blue as the ocean but it was almost ruined since my friends Ardi who came from Sumatera stuck in Jakarta airport as his flight delayed because of bad weather over there. So yeah, I have got to change my dinner reservation from eight o’clock to nine thirty at night. But it was perfectly okay since my other best friend had to take care of her sick kid first. And out of sudden my car broke down on my way to the restaurant, luckily I was with my friend at that moment so I wasn‘t so much in trouble after all. Yeah, what a night to remember and I was so happy that no matter what, but dearest friends still made it to my party. I love you guys!
So yeah, the party started at Gusto restaurant. It’s a Spanish restaurant and the food was nice, the wine was also nice. Not perfect but just nice, and that is what I like about this restaurant. And the ambience is also nice, not too busy nor too noisy like any other restaurants around it. Well, maybe it is because of this restaurant not as cheap as any other restaurants nearby but who cares, I love this restaurant and wanted my friends to love it too.
After dinner, we were continued to a club called Living Room. The club is not a big one but it was perfect and we love this club. The crowd in this club are more civilize than the crowd in other club. Not too many annoying drunken men who are normally tried to approached you in the bar or something like that. No, we don’t like that. And when we all started to feel something, yeah you can said drunk, we moved to other club called déjà vu that a little bit more pumping up during the wee hour. Oh yeah, did I mention to you that we were going to party all night long? Like until morning? Come on guys, it’s my birthday! So yeah, we stayed out until half past five in the morning then we had to admitted that we all getting tired. So, home? Definitely! Thank you guys, for making my birthday so perfect. I will never forget it, you guys rock!!!
^_^

Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

I was hosting a pool party at my house two weeks ago when my dear friend Natasha (of course it’s not a real name, are you kidding me?) cried her head off when she talk about her boyfriend. Here’s the story, last year she met a guy who was literally crazy about her. Oh yeah, everyone can see that from a mile. The way he looked at her, the way he kissed her, so crazy about her. And so does she, crazy about him and feel like he is the best man in the world. Every single day for these last one and a half years, all that she talked about was her boyfriend, Kevin (yup, also not a real name). Kevin this, Kevin that, Kevin said like this, Kevin said like that, you know, those kind of things that make you want to puke. But honestly, we are all happy for her as she deserved it. So yeah, it was kind of surprising for us when she started crying. She said that her boyfriend hardly pick up her phone call lately, said that he was busy but always has time for his best friend, a girl named Mariska (hu-um, not a real name for sure). She said that he even asked her to move out of the house that they share together because of he needs space. Say what?
First, my other girlfriends and I were speechless. Nope, not because of we did not believe what we heard, but mostly because we were hated it seeing her crying over something like that. Seriously girl, that is the sign that he is just not that in to you. So for us, the only thing that you should do is leave him! He really does not worth your tears. But, how do you tell that to someone like Natasha? She is a kind of sensitive girl who has a real shallow thought about man. She really depends on her man, like life is nothing without him. And in the other hand, she does not have any job and place to stay because of her once called a best boyfriend in the world, told her that she doesn’t have to work, that he would take a good care of her. Such a bullsh*t!
So, that was the story of my friend Natasha. And the reason why I wrote this story here is because I really want her to wake up and smells the coffee. Come on, if a guy says something like that, it means he wants to brake up with you but doesn’t know how to say it to you. Need space? Who is he kidding with? If a guy says that he needs space, if a guy never answer your phone, put you at second place after another girl who he claimed as his best friend, that means that he does not enjoy your companionship anymore, means that he had enough of you, so leave! World does not end just because of your guy said that he needs space. Beside, it will makes you feel better if you are the one who leave him rather than he becomes the one leaves you. And that is the truth, trust me!
^_^

Please Forgive Me? (An Open Letter To My “Holiday In Goa”)

Dear…
I know it was kind of weird writing a letter to someone who actually I can see at anytime, but you know why I do this. Oh yeah, you sure do. I know how upset you are with me at this moment and I don’t want to make it even worse. Beside, you know that I am not good orally. The thing is, since the first time we met, I knew that I would never leave my man for you, ever. But my mistake was giving you a false hoped that drown me to an unfinished regret. I am so sorry for that, I wished I could undo the situation between us, but thing has done and the wound is already there and I do feel responsible for all of that. For those, I apologize to you.
My Dear…
Maybe you hate me for everything that I have done to you but deep inside my heart I believe that what happened between us gave us some lessons about love. And I have no regret what so ever for that. Because hey, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, right? I do feel stronger now and I believe so do you. I pray for you every day, so that you will forgive me and I know you will find someone who is better than me. Someone who cares enough about you and willing to spend the rest of her life with you. But not me. I have my own life and you came at a wrong time. I wished that you came to me nine years earlier, when I was still looking for my man. I wished that God has a different plan for us. I wished that we didn‘t fall that far…ah, there are so many wishes in my heart at the moment, but what for? It will not change anything.
My love…
I am sorry that I love you, but not as much as I love my man. I am sorry that you found out about it in an awful way. I never meant to hurt you since it hurts me even more, but it happened in a way that I never plan before. But I am glad that finally you see who I really am and I hope with time being you will accept it. I am not the girl for you. You won’t find what you’re looking for inside me. I am too selfish and too ignorant for a sensitive guy like you. Since the first time we met, I did tell you about this, remember? But you were never listen to me. You thought maybe your love could changed me, but no. I was too stubborn and you have all the right to give up now.
My Dearest…
Now that it’s all said and done, I hope we can fix the thing between us in a good way. Please don’t hate me for this and please forgive me for all of the dramas between you and me. I took all the blame for this because you have done nothing wrong. It was all on me. As much as my negative side but I am not afraid of admitting my fault and I won’t be ashamed to apologize to anyone. So yeah, I am sorry that it was ended like this. It’s not something that I deliberately do but I am sure that God has something to do with all of these. I still love you but it’s in a different way now. I hope we still can be friends…
Love,
^_^Dewi
(Dewi wrote this letter as a reply for a phone call from her ‘Holiday In Goa’ two days ago)

Dating With The Enemies

How many of you ever come out of your comfort zone and try something different? Here is the thing, girls normally feel comfortable in certain way and afraid to step out scared of what is going to happen out there, specially in dating world. If you feel comfortable with older guy, why try the younger one? If you feel comfortable with good guy type, why try the bad boy type? That’s what my friends always said to me. But hey, how do you know the taste if you never try, right?
So yeah, eight months ago I met a guy who was definitely not my type, a surfer. I always avoid a surfer because of many things. First of all, I hate beach. Well, I don’t hate beach, but I never find hang out on the beach is fascinating. Never. I don’t like the smell the beach, for me it’s fishy. I don’t understand why people love go to the beach, it’s hot, smelly, and too many people around. So yeah, in my mind I would never ever date a surfer. Hey, they smell like ocean water, right? Fishy? Euw! And as an OCD person, I am very sensitive with any smelly things. I can smell anything within miles and yeah, I am kind of girl who can’t tolerate anything with bad smell. So yeah, basically I don’t date surfers.
But eight months ago, when I met this guy, I was like ready to try something different in my life because he is completely different with all the guys that I have been with. Even if I had so many things that I didn’t like about his way of thinking, and so did he oppositely, I guess, but we still tried to made it happened. And guess what, despite all of those arguments between us, all of those fights, we did have a good fun when we were together. Even if we ended up not nicely but still, he filled something in my heart. And yesterday, when he called me to apologized about how did we end up last time and said that he wanted to fixed everything that happened between us before so that we can be friends again, I was like shocked. I never knew that he is actually not so bad guy after all. Even if he said something rough sometime, but that was only to shows his anger, to let them out. And it was nothing to do with him being a surfer but just pure personality issue. So yeah, I am now have a different perspective about surfers. Still, won’t date them again but I think they are cool to be friends with.
So girls, get out of your comfort zone and try something different! You might find something that you like out there, who knows?
^_^

My Three Birthday Wishes

If I were a Beauty Pageant Contestant, these would be all about ‘World Peace’, but the thing is I am not. So of course, for my birthday this year I wanted something materialistic. Oh yeah, I am a pro-Jessica (as a Simpsons, that is) type of girl (and yeah, Vanessa who???). First of all, I always wanted a Blackberry phone and yesterday while I was in my shop working, well not exactly, I was actually doing my Facebook thing…Gosh, this thing is so addicted! So yeah, while I was doing that thing, my man called me and asked me to meet him at the mall so we can go grabbed that Blackberry phone that I always wanted. I knew he was going to do it, and I love him for that, for being such a sensible man! Hah!
Then I wanted a nice, but please, not so romantic dinner at my favorite restaurant with my favorite bottle of champagne, it would be perfect! And this morning, my man (bless him!) called and said that he has a dinner reservation at Sarong, which is my favorite restaurant, for me and him tonight. What a gentleman! So yeah, the day becomes better and better for me. And I am not even get up of my comfortable bed yet! Gosh, this is going to be the best day in my life!
Then of course my last wish is all about me and my dear friends. Yeah, I really wanted to have a birthday party together with my dearest friends who are already became my friends for ages. And guess what, they are all coming to my town and we are having a party this weekend, so cool! I can not believe how God loving me these much. Come on...all of my three wishes?
And now that I have got all of my birthday wishes, then I think it is time for me to be sensible, right? So…world peace?
^_^

(On My Birthday) Dear God

Dear God,
Today is my birthday, and I never thank you enough for all the blessed that you gave me in life. For my beautiful family and friends, for my happiness and sadness, for my loves and broken hearts, for my succeed and my failures, for everything I achieved and everything I missed.
My Dear God,
You always there whenever I need, because only You understand me indeed. You always kind to me even though I sometimes forget about you. I only come to you when I have something to complain about. But You always there, You never give up. Take me God, wherever You go. To the beautiful places where only You can go. Be my guide all the way through. Because I am blind without You around.
My Lord, My Dear God,
Don’t leave me here alone, only with my self. Because even me can not stand of my own self. I only in love with my life and my world. Every time is only about me, myself, and I. I am the most selfish creature that You ever made. So forgive me God for I have sins.
My Lovely Dear God,
I love You with all that I have got. With all my bones, my fleshes, and my bloods, with my soul and my heart, with my common sense and my heart beat. Because after all those are what I am in Your mighty eyes. Nothing more and nothing less. Don’t leave me God, be there for me. Like You always be, like You always be..
Bali, February 18th 2009
^_^

The Annoying 3%

I went to buy a Blackberry phone this afternoon which cost me more than seven hundred bucks and when I handed my Credit Card which was local card, the girl in the cashier said that she had to charged me 3% of my total purchased for using my card. I was like, yeah-yeah whatever. I was so in to this new gadget so I barely even care about the cost. But on my way home, I was started to think about it and realized that that was not right. How many people do they get every day for that 3%? How do you expect people to pay seven hundred bucks or more? You expect them to pay cash? No, of course they use they Credit Card! People don’t carry that amount of money by mistake everywhere and when you said that you have to charge them like 3% for using Credit Card then they will say like, oh no…wait, I’ve got seven hundred bucks cash with me accidentally, so I pay cash instead. Not a change! If they are a gadget freak like me, they will just take it. But if they are not, you would probably ended up losing a very potential customer. Go figure!
I have a shop too and in my shop I never charged my customer with anything if they pay with Credit Card. Meanwhile, my dear friend who has a shop across the street of mine which used a blue bird with long legs as its logo still doing it and his business is actually way more successful than mine. Come on man, how pathetic it looks! Why don’t you just put your prices up by 3% then don’t charged anything to your customers? Because actually it is not about the amount of that 3%, it was probably almost nothing, but it was so annoying! And believe it or not, it shows how miserable you are as a person! And anyway, does that even legal?
A couple months ago, I was shopped at a boutique in a mall quite a bit and when I handed my Card to pay and asked if they would charged me for using my card and they were like, oh no…special for you we won’t do it. That is what I’m talking about. Even as a shop’s owner, I knew pretty sure that they gave me quite bit higher price and it would probably covered the charges already, but I don’t care and I am so coming back there again! Soon! Hey, you have to make your customer happy, right? And they did make me happy. And guys, for those who still charged their customer 3% for using Credit Cards, you can continue doing it because once a pathetic always a pathetic! Sorry…
^_^

My Dream Car

Some people said, “You are what you eat” and some people said, “You are what you wear” but for me, “You are what you drive”. When it comes to car, I do believe that your choice of vehicle showing who you are. Seriously, a couple days ago, the founder of the foundation where I work voluntarily had to put his car in garage for service so meanwhile he had this rental pink Suzuki Karimun just to mobile around. Come on Mike, a Suzuki Karimun is already bad enough but a pink one? Well, he tried to explained to me that when you reach a certain age then you don’t really care what people think about you anymore. Yeah, maybe he is right. But I don’t reach that age yet, so yeah, I do care.
One thing for sure, when it comes to car, you can not wear fake brand just to look great like some people does to their clothes, bags, or shoes. You just can’t. There isn’t any fake Ferrari or fake Porsche, or fake Lamborghini like other brands in fashion. When it comes to car, you are buying your prestige. I know it is hard to have a sport car here in Bali because there isn’t any clean track for you to spin. But in Jakarta, all of the owners of sport cars rent a circuit in Sentul once a month just to spin their babies. Yeah, that’s what they call their car.
I don’t have any sport cars yet, but I do have a dream of owning one. At the moment, I drive a beemers but my dream car is actually Lamborghini Gallardo, and it has to be a white one just like the one they used in Akon’s ’Smack That’ video. It was so cool. And did I mention to you that this car is faster than Ferrari? But that is my dream that above reality because the price of that kind of car is ridiculous here because of the tax, it is almost triple of the original price back then in Europe. So yeah, never mind. But, I still do have another dream car that I would probably get it someday and it’s an Audi R8. I love that car since the first time I saw it in a Motor Show in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and guess what, that car is actually a result of a merger between Audi and Lamborghini Gallardo. Go figure, no wonder I fell in love with that car right a way!
^_^

Spoiled To Death

How do you show your pets that you love them? If your answer is by spoiling them, then ‘Welcome To The Club‘. I have two pets at home, one Miniature Pinscher dog and one Himalayan cat. They both are my babies and they rule the house. They got almost everything that they wanted, everything that almost killed them.
My dog is a snobby small dog who only want to eat good stuffs, such as imported milk and meats, even imported chocolate bar. I’ll tell you a funny story about my dog and M&M’s, since that is the only brand that he took. One day I changed his chocolate treats with a local brand which exactly has similar look. Did he bought that? Nope, he just sniffed them and left. My man and I even made a joke of it. If we want to know whether a certain food is good or not, we just give some to our dog and see his reaction. If he like it, then it is a good one.
Last year, for the first time I saw my dog did not want to eat his favorite food. Even if he tried to eat them but after that he was puking them back out. This situation went for three days before I took him to the Vet Clinic. Guess what? Nothing wrong with him apart from he needs to do a diet! Yup, his pancreas got a problem because of he is too fat. I actually knew that he is indeed too fat, because I read in the book that for miniature pinscher a normal body weight is 4-6 kg. And my dog’s was 8 kg. The Vet even warned me that if I want my dog to be healthy and live longer, then I have to stop spoiling him. Because what happened was, I spoiled him to death.
My cat’s case was not much different. He is a picky-picky cat and only want to eat the best cat food. He certainly knows what he wants and what he doesn’t. He even picked up his own food from the rack. Since last year, for some reasons, my cat refused to eat wet food and I just followed what he wanted. For me, as long as he eats a lot, that means that he is happy. He is indeed happy and he is also fat. For two years old cat, 7 kg body weight is too much. Just a day before new year’s eve, I noticed that my cat had a problem doing his pee. Sometimes he spent almost ten minutes in his litter box but nothing happened. So, I took him to his Vet, and guess what? Yup, he had a Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disease (FLUTD) which was caused by improper diet. And most of the cat that has this problem was an obesity cat. Surprised-surprised…
When I was at the Vet’s Clinic, I was talked to a British woman who has a same cat as mine. And she said that was all my fault that my cat had a life threatening disease, because I spoiled him to death. As for her, the cat does not rule her but she rules him. The cat eats whatever she gives him and he never had any bad mood just because he does not like the food that she gives him. I was like, how did you do that? Well, she said, first of all your pets have to know who the master is. And it is you, not them! But she also said that was a little bit too late for me now, as the damages are already there.
So, here I am woke up this morning just to found that my cat having the same problem again, but this time more serious. The Vet had to put a Catheter to help him peeing. And this is something that can caused death. The Vet even asked me to be ready for the worst probability. I was literally in tears all morning. Now my cat is still not wake up from his surgery yet. I am very-very worry. God, if you are there, please help my Frosty with his condition and bring him back to me. Please…
^_^

BFF

Next week is my birthday and I really want to make a party since it is such a long time since my last night out. So yeah, I was kind of having a party mood at the moment. But the thing is I don’t really have any friends here. Well, at least not the kind of friend that I enjoy to out with. I have a best friend who is always with me since we were like thirteen years old. But beside her, I also have friends that I consider best friends and enjoy to go out with but they don’t live in the same town with us. So today, we called them and asked them if they can come to my town just for my birthday and they were like, of course! Yee-ha!
I sometime went out with some friends here but that was never the same. With these guys I can be myself and party to the bones without worry about anything because I knew that they will take care of me. Oh yeah, they are like brothers to me. One night, when my man went back to his country and we were partying at our own club which is closed down now, my best friend and I were kind of washed out and drunk as a skunk. A guy that we knew for quite sometime and hired as a manager for the club, tried to take advantage in this situation and said that he would be happy to drove me home. But my best friend Ardi, blessed him, did not let that happened because he did not trust that guy. He was the one who stood out and said no, that me and my friend are his responsibility. So yeah, even if he was actually also drunk at that time, but he managed to get me and my friend home saved. He even made sure that I was okay and made sure that all of my doors were locked properly then he left. What a good friend he is!
So even if I have some friends here, but for my birthday, there is nothing that I can ask apart from my best friends come and join the party. That was why I was so happy to found out that they are coming for my birthday. All that I can imagine is partying all night long with all of my sidekicks. They are all my entourage and I can not wait for next week for us to meet again! Thank you guys, you are my best friends! Forever!
^_^

While You Were Sleeping

This is a story about a girl who actually engaged with a nice normal guy who really love her and care about her. This guy is every women’s dream guy. Has a successful business, live in a nice house, driving a very nice car, not too bad looking, and loyal to his girl. Every women envy her for all of these, for how lucky she is. Every women would give up anything just to be in her shoes. So yeah, she should be happy, right?
Wrong. Recently she feels like something missing from her life. She feels like she was trapped in a comfort zone and can not get out. She was so used to have anything in her life so she doesn’t really remember how to fight for something anymore. She was so spoiled and found herself useless when it comes to deal with problems. Everything seems to be solved by someone else for her so she doesn’t really sure about herself anymore.
Her fiancé, bless him, doesn’t realize what happened with her. Just like her, he is also live in his comfort zone and maybe a little bit too busy to even notice. He thought by spoiling her with all of those fancy stuffs then she will be happy. He thought their love is so strong and beautiful so there is no reason for her to be bored. He thought their life is so perfect that she doesn’t even have anything to be missed. Guess he forgot that she is still a human being.
So, is it her fault if she is now bored with her life so she’s looking for something different out there and ended found so many things that she never seen before? Is it her fault if she started to open herself to everyone just to know if she still can be socialize again after living in a cage for so many years? Is it her fault if she is now making so many new friendship with some useless guys just to try something different? Is it her fault if now she realized that there are so many things happened out there while she was sleeping? Is it her fault?
“To all of my girlfriends who are bored…”
^_^

Are Women Smarter Than Men?

How many times women lie to their partner? Millions. How many times did they get caught? Almost never. So, are women smarter than men or are we just good in manipulation?

Here is the thing, my friend marry a German who is so typical and does not really enjoy hanging out at the club on the weekend. So every time we want to go out partying, my dear friend just created a problem that cause them fighting and not talk to each other so when the time she leave the house she doesn't have to ask permition from him. And guess what, it works! He was always buying it without any question, all the time! Come on, man.

I have a weakness when it comes to shopping and my man is the one who really fed up with this thing so he made me promised not to buy anymore dresses, shoes, or bags. And of course, I said yes, even though I knew that I won't keep it. So whenever he notice those new things I always said that yeah, but I bought all of those stuffs when he was visitting his mom back home and leave me alone here and I was kind of missed him and need to do something to get rid of that sad feeling so yeah, I went shopping. And yup, I always got him!

So, are women smarter than men or we are just good in manipulation? Maybe, or maybe both. Or maybe men just don't think that it was something worth to fight for. Or maybe men just don't care. Who cares? As long as everyone is happy, why bother? Gosh, I love being a woman!

^_^

Chocolate Brownie

Seeing you smiling at me
With your sweet and beautiful eyes, really
It was just like having a chocolate brownie
Hmm, really-really yummy!
^_^

Letting You Go

Letting you go is a hard thing to do
But the hardest thing is to forget about you
Why I do this, I really don’t know
Maybe I don’t seem to care about you, but honestly I do
But letting you go is the best way to do
Because there is no us between me and you
There is no me and there is no you
We are completely live in a different world
Letting you go, really, is not an easy thing
Since I start to feel something
Maybe I am hoping too much from you
Maybe there is no me in you
So, baby I am letting you go
Even though it’s hurting me, it’s killing me
But if roses are still red and violets are still blue
Maybe someday there will be us for me and you
To My 'Holiday In Goa'
^_^

Facebook Fever

Well, well, well. Here is the thing, couple night ago when the foundation where I work as a volunteer had a Movie night, I met a girl who is the founder’s daughter. And when the night over and we were just about to go home, she was like, “Do you have a Facebook? Add me,” And yeah, of course I have got a Facebook. Who doesn’t? Well, actually I was kind of skeptical about these what so called ‘friendship network’ things before. When all of my friends talk about Friendster, I was like, nah…that was for a loner. Then when everyone moved to MySpace, I was kind of curious. To be honest with you, it was my dear old friend that was talking about this network all the time and said that if I want to see a picture of a girl that I knew for quite sometime, kissing another girl passionately while we were quite sure that she is a straight girl, then I can check on her Myspace page. So yeah, it got me and that is why I joined this network from the beginning. But after a while, I got really in to it since I can do blogging in my page and yeah, I love writing. But after two weeks joined this network, I have got four marriage proposals from all over the world. One of those was from an American soldier who is served his country in Iraq. I was kind of feel sorry for those guys. But come on, do you think that I will accept those proposals from some guys I barely even know? How pathetic can it be? But yeah, even I am not checking on my page too often, I still join the network since it was fun and I can do blogging on my page.
Then along came Facebook. The same dear old friend who asked me to join Myspace, talked to me about this network and how it was more fun then other similar networks. So yeah, he got me again. But I have a rule when I am joining any friendship networks, that is I don’t add people to be my friend. If someone adding me and I was kind of cool with them, then I will confirm them as my friends. So yeah, I have only 69 friends in this network while my other friends have like hundreds of friends. First I thought it was fun to keep in touch again with people from the past through this network. A couple weeks ago, I have got friends from Elementary School who added me as a friend, then friends from High School and University. It was cool. But lately, I was kind of annoyed with some people from the past that I don’t even remember but sending me those weird message. One of them even said, “Do you remember me? We talked once in High School?” I was like, come on. That was so sad, don’t you think so?
But different from other networks, Facebook seems to be attract more people and everyone really get in to it. I don’t understand why, maybe because it has so many cool applications? I really don’t know. And once you connect to this network, you can‘t stop. My best friend and I are barely even talk to each other anymore but sending message through Facebook. A girl I know, writing a personal message on her boyfriend’s wall almost every day when they are actually live together. We just can’t help it. But last week, when my best friend and I talked online through this network while we were in our boutiques which only separated by 2 meters alley, then I knew it’s time for us to logout. It was pathetic!
^_^

My Holiday In Goa

I don’t know if you guys ever watch a film, I can’t remember the title, but it’s about a hotline phone company that operate in America but then decided to moved their operational office to Mumbai India for efficiency reason. An American guy pointed to take control of the office and he has to reach a target while he has to adjusted himself and his way of life in America with local tradition. Meanwhile, he fall for a ‘not so attractive but smart’ Indian girl then they ended up sleeping together after a business trip to a small island somewhere in India. On the way back, he told her that the office in America wants him back to the US because he reached the target already so he will get a promotion. He asked the girl about what she thinks of moving to America with him. Shockingly, the girl said she loves it but she can’t do it because of she is engaged with an Indian guy and going to get marriage soon. This thing is already arranged by her family since she was five years old. He was like, what? Then she told him about the arranged marriage that is so common in India and she was kind of okay with that because she obviously loves her family and as an Indian, she has a faith on her own tradition. So yeah, that was pretty much of the story line. When the guy, while still amaze, asking her about what she thinks of him then? She was like, “Holiday in Goa?” Confuse? Of course, you do.
Here is the explanation. The girl then told him about her best friend, who is engaged and arranged to marry a guy that she doesn’t really love but she has to do it as an obligation to her parents and family. One month before the wedding date, she met a guy who she likes very much. So she told her parents that she was so stressed about her wedding and needed some times for herself. Her parents felt sorry and concerned about their little girl so they sent her for a three weeks holiday to Goa where she actually arranged to meet the guy that she loves. They spent three weeks together before she came back to her family and marry the guy that chose by her parents. But she is now happy that she had a beautiful time with the guy that she loves. And meanwhile the secret will always be a secret and she will always remember her holiday in Goa.
As for me, six months ago, I met a guy who I really like. But since the first time I saw him, I knew that I already have a man in my life. But because he was so irresistible then I was like, what the h*ll, why don’t I give it a try? My friends said, yeah, why not? If you never try then you won’t know the taste, right? So yeah, I saw him for a quite sometime until I got bored and realized who I really love actually. Now that I am stick with my man and leave him completely, my friends were like, “Are you broke up with him?” I was like, nope. I never consider that we are together anyway. My friends were like, “So, what did you call those things between you and him after all?” I was like, holiday in Goa?
^_^

Goodbye, Apathy

Looking right at your wounded eyes
I can see how your are hurt
But as a man you won’t cry
So all I can see is your anger
Everything is my fault, I know
Sharing your love with his and mine
All the lies and make up stories
I felt so bad and very sorry
But seeing you and her holding hands
Made me realized that I am not the only one
Even when you tried to convinced me
But my common sense did not take it easily
So my dear, I am saying goodbye to you
With all my heart I will let you go
Maybe you will find what you’re looking for
Maybe we will be together again, who knows?
But my feeling for you is not there anymore
And I need some times to heal my wounded heart
You too need times, I don’t even know what for
Maybe to think about what you looking for, I really don’t know
But my dear, I am saying goodbye to you
Even if I don’t feel the sadness in me
Because I don’t have anymore tears for you
So this a goodbye, with an apathy
Goodbye, apathy
So long, fantasy
To My 'Holiday In Goa'
^_^

(If I Could) Turn Back Time (For One Night Only)

Here’s the thing, the past six months was the best time in my life because I had you to share my days. The times we spent together were awesome and I won’t forget about it for the rest of my life. I enjoy your companionship and your love, your jealousy, and your moody attitude. I love them all. Even though sometimes you made me confused with your up and down emotion, but still, I love you. Our first date was perfect as it did with your two sons slept in the bedroom, so peaceful and just perfect. For the first time in my life I felt so happy and I know so did you. We laughed, talked, shared jokes all night long, and our first kiss was so beautiful. I still remember how were you stole a kiss and surprisingly I didn’t mind, I even kissed you back and it was wonderful. It was so awesome so I stayed awake for the rest of the night. I was so afraid to fell asleep, because I was afraid if I woke up then all of these were just a dream. I couldn’t bared it.
The past six months was a dream came true. My dream to be with someone special, someone like you. Even though I don’t even know what to call you, but what we had was exactly what I was looking for. The tingle feeling inside me when we met was the best ever. You were my searched for long lost feeling. And falling in love with you was a sweet memory. A feeling that so real yet almost like a fantasy. And yes, you were my fantasy. I was always looking forward to see you every single day, even though I had to made up excuses to my man, I think that is why this thing between us was so fantastic. The feeling of adrenalin rush was so over the top. And yes, I am an adrenalin junkie, so the feeling of blood flown over my vein was incredible. The feeling I will never forget in my whole life. You were just perfect as you always did. Even when you were in a bad mood, I still love you. I love you when you were angry, when you were sad, when you were happy, when you sang those stupid songs because of you were in a good mood, even when you snored in your sleep, I was always love you.
So, if I could turn back time, for one night only, I would like to be in the night when we had our first date again. Because for one night only, I want to come back in to my fantasy life once again. Be with you once again, feel your heartbeat in mine once again, kiss you once again, watch your smile turn to a laugh once again, just be with you once again. For one night only, I want to be out of my real life and be in yours. For one night only, I want to be your girl again. For one night only, I want to be yours and I want you to be mine again. For one night only, I want to turn back time to the night when we had our first date. For one night only…I want you back.
“To My Holiday In Goa”
^_^

Blackberry Vs. iPhone

I call myself a gadget freak because I always have a budget every year to buy one or two toys to entertain myself. Sometime it can be a mobile phone, an MP3 player, a stereo system for my car, or even a home theater. This year, after got an iPod touch for my birthday, I’ve been thinking of buying a mobile phone with 3G technology. I know, you’d probably thinking how could I call myself a gadget freak but don’t even have a 3G mobile? Yeah, my O2 PDA phone doesn’t have a 3G technology since I bought it like four years ago when 3G was not a popular thing like now days. So yeah, after working so hard this year (yeah, right!) I think I have a reason to rewarded myself with something cool.
When my friend Eva found out that I was looking for a new mobile phone, she was like, “Get a Blackberry, so we can chat easily!” I was like, a Blackberry? So I made some phone calls, checked on their website, asking around to get any information about this thing. And honestly, I was falling in love with Blackberry Bold in an instant! Despite the price here in Indonesia is like more than 900 bucks, it looks so cool!
But (oh yeah, there is a but!) when I read in T3 magazine that the hottest gadget for this year is iPhone 3G, I had a doubt. A big one. This iPhone thing is look so cool too! Despite the Apple promises that this new iPhone is going to be cheaper than the last one, the fact here is we have to get it from black market since they don’t have any contract with any provider in here yet so that the price is like up to the roof, it’s gonna cost you like a thousand bucks! Yeah-yeah…the price you have to pay to be at the front of that line! But is that really necessary so that you willing to spend that amount of money for something that actually cost only one fifth of those amount? Come on, seriously!
For someone who call herself a gadget freak, sometime I don’t care about the price. But I don’t like buying stuffs from black market either. So yeah, in that point, I think I am going to pick a Blackberry. Then along came my friend Eva who bought her Blackberry Bold from a friend from Hong Kong for the price of 600 bucks. Then friend of a friend said that she bought her Blackberry Bold for only 450 bucks in Singapore. I was like, oh come on! You have got to be kidding me! How could I make a decision which one to buy if the thing like this keep going and going?
Seriously, I was curious, when it comes to buy any gadget, what comes first? Technology? Price? Or design? Or all? Or even none? For me, I don’t like buying anything common that used by so many people. That is why I will never ever buy a certain brand that is so common and used by everyone so that they use a phrase ‘Connecting People’ as their motto. Heaven forbid!
^_^

Sorry (Blame It On Me) - A poem inspired by Akon’s song with same title

I’m sorry for the last fight that we had
It was all my stupid thought that driven me
Made me forgot about the essence of our love
Thought that I would be better without you
I’m sorry for the time I disrespect
Thought that I love him and enough of you
Thought that I would be better with him rather than with you
The truth is I don’t even know what is best for me
I’m sorry for the late night I came to you
After my spending time with him and laughed at you
After shared my heart between you and him
For those I hate myself and disgusted
I’m sorry for the time I was neglect
Never be there for you but always available for him
Never put you on top of anything
Never ignored him but always found excuses for you
I’m sorry for the phone call I never took
Tried to avoided you because of him
The lies I made just to be with him
For those I hope God will forgive me
I’m sorry for the thought I had in mind
All the time I spent with him
Thought that I was happy but who am I kidding with?
It was you that I love, never him
I’m sorry for the days I lost myself
I’m sorry for the kisses I missed for you
I’m sorry for the love I shared with him
Because I regretted it all so I’ll take the blame
^_^

(If I Only Have) One More Day

If I have one more day to live, then I will tell you how much I love you. I will write you a note, a letter even, to make sure that you know it. I will kiss you as much as I can, in the morning even, something that I always forget to do lately. If I only have one more day to live, then I will go with you to the beach, despite that I can not expose myself too long under the sun because of my very low blood pressure that makes me easily faint. Hey, I only have one day to live, why would I care about getting faint? If I only have one more day to live, then I will hold you in my arms. I wish I could be more concern and less selfish, less stubborn. I wish that I could be more sensitive and feeling you in my heart. I wish that I could be more understand about you and be open myself to you. I will be happy to wake up next to you in the morning and having breakfast with you like old times.
If I only have one more day then I want to spend it with you. I wish I could stay at home more often rather than wandering around with my friends. I wish I could be more available for you, as you always do for me. I wish I could be less talking and more listening. I wish I could be a good friend for you and always be there whenever you need me. I wish I could be someone for you to share with, not just in happiness but especially in sadness.
If I only have one more day to live, then I will tell you how much I miss you, I will show you. I wish I could spend more days with you, just with you, doing all of those silly things that we usually do when we bored. I wish I could see more of your smiles because only God knows how I love seeing your eyes crinkling when you do it. I wish I could be more strong and never wining when I want something because I know for sure how you hate it. I wish I could be less childish and be more mature as you always remind me that I am a woman now and not a kid anymore. I wish I could be more responsible with my life, be less ignorant and less neglecting. I wish I could quit my shopping habit that you hate so much. I wish I could say enough to myself whenever I see shoes or bags. I wish I could be more satisfy with what I have got because I got all, I got you.
If I only have one more day to live, then I will empty my schedule only for you. I will watch with you all of those DVD’s that we haven’t have time to watch yet, even the films that I don’t like because all I care now is spending times with you. I wish I could be less bitchy and more nice to you. I wish I could stop my nagging habit that kills you many times. I wish I could be less bossy and more approachable for you. I wish I could be more honest to you especially when it comes to my time with my friends. I wish I would have time to say sorry for every lies that I have made in the past. I wish I would have time to say sorry for everything I have done that hurt you. I wish I could be more sensible and never force my things to you because it’s all about us now, not only me, myself, and I all the time.
If I only have one more day to live, then I will tell you who I won’t call. I will not call my doctor because it’s useless anyway, I will not call my lawyer because the last thing I would care about is my belonging. I can’t take it to wherever I go next anyway. I will not call that Scottish man that owe us money because honestly I don’t care about those money anymore. Not because of the amount, God that’s a hell a lot of money of course, but simply just because I don’t care. I will not call my boutique to find out about my outstanding this month. I will not call my stock’s broker about all of my shares and I definitely will not call my tax man. I will not call my garment, pfff…what for? I will not call my beautician, who needs a facial treatment on their last day anyway? If I only have one more day to live and I only have one phone call access, then I will only call you, Darling, the love of my life.
^_^

Miserable Old B***ard!

I normally don’t read tabloid. But yesterday, while waiting for my dinner in a restaurant, I read The Communities of Indonesia as I didn’t have anything else to do and like everyone else, I hate waiting. So yeah, I read that tabloid and for some reasons, ended up on reader’s letter asking for some advices. I know what you are thinking, and I couldn’t believe myself as well. But yeah, that was what bothering me, a stupid letter from a miserable old man.
An American man who is retiring in Bali asking the editor for some advices as he is bored with his retirement life and needs something to do. You’d probably think like, what is wrong with that? I’ll tell you what, first he said that he actually has no real complaints as he has a very good life here. He and his wife have got maids, drivers, gardeners, masseuse, flower bath, meditation, etc. They go to a Club for fun, yeah, a rotary club that is. I was a little bit confuse actually, does he really need some advices or he was just simply wants to show off that he and his wife have a very good life? Well, he did admitted that they were spoilt, but still, they are bored and don’t know what to do with their life. And the worst thing is he said that they are the Baby Boomers generation and doing some charity works are not their things as they are not Mother Teresa. I was like, what???
Here’s the thing, I have many foreigner friends as I live in Bali. Most of foreigners always complain about their life in Indonesia as, for sure, the facilities are way different than in their own countries. But let me tell you something, in their countries they are nobodies but here, yeah only in our country, they can get a fancy life with their little money because of our currency is so much lower than theirs. In their country, they couldn’t get a proper job but here they have a high position, respect from other co-workers, and tons of salary just because they are foreigner. But still, they are complain about traffic jam, how stupid our people are, how dirty our country is, how corrupt our government is, one of my expatriate friend was complain to me about how stupid his maid was. And I was like, do you even have a maid back home? Beside, of course she is stupid, that’s why she became a maid. If she’s a smart girl, she’d probably working in a nice office with a corner room, don’t you think so? He was like, yeah you right. Of course I do, I know that!
Back to the miserable old man I was talking before, I was 100% with the editor, ‘get a life, you poor, sad creature!’ Seriously, that was the answer from the editor. Maybe the phrase about how human being never feel satisfy was right after all. But my advice is, please stop complaining and just enjoy your privileges while you can. You’d probably won’t get all of these in your own country so just live for it! Life is more beautiful if you just enjoy every moment of it, enjoy the ups and downs of it, enjoy every single color of it, trust me!
^_^

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you look at me
Give me those chillies around my body
I hate the way you touch my back
So smooth and full of deeper feeling
I hate the way you put your lips on mine
The passion that I never forget
I hate when you play drama on me
Makes me wonder what do you really want from me
I hate the fact that you are so full of ego
Always trying to push your way above everything else
I hate the way you play games with me
The yo-yo things that makes me crazy
I hate our last date
If I only knew that I will never see you again
I hate our last kiss
If I only knew that it was your last kiss for me
I hate our last making love
If I only knew that it was our last time
And the most important thing is I hate you
For making me falling for your love
To My 'Holiday In Goa'
^_^

Las Vegas Vs. Macau (This Ain’t Vegas, Baby!)

When I planned to go to Macau for holiday, I was almost as excited as I was when I planned my holiday to Las Vegas. Both have casino which mean both must have very nice entertainment facilities, right? So yeah, I was thrilled when I was landed on Macau airport at 6 o’clock in the morning feel knackered after almost 7 hours flight but still, can not compare with my excitement.
Checked in to The Venetian Hotel, only a little problem as my room was not ready yet. Make sense though, since it was very early in the morning. And because of they were run out of non-smoking room, the hotel upgrade our booking. Cool, eh? Yeah, while waiting for them to get our room ready, I tried my luck on slot machines and lose couple hundreds bucks , Hong Kong that was. But who cares? We’re on holiday!
The hotel was not much different than Venetian Las Vegas with Grand Canal and stuffs. Then yeah, we were quiet happy with the room, the facilities, and of course the shopping mall. So, we tried our luck on Blackjack table. I was never gambling on Blackjack table before in my life. But I thought, this is my holiday so what the heck, I know that Blackjack has 50% chance for us to beat the dealer. So I think this is the safest games in gambling. And that was true. Even for me, who never trust my luck on gambling before, I won 3,500 bucks on my first table. Everyone on the table even called me their lucky charm, Cool! Seriously guys, I was nearly wet my knickers.
I remember someone told me before that if you play Blackjack, don’t think about how to win because you will end up losing all. But you have to think how to beat the dealer so that all people who play with you on the table win, then you will continue winning. And that was what I did and it works perfectly. I won, everybody on my table won, and we were enjoyed the games. But one thing I noticed here, unlike in Vegas, the dealers were not so chatty. And they were hardly speak English, even if they do, we could not understand a word they said. And to get a drink from a waitress was almost impossible as there were not many of them, compares with Las Vegas where the waitress offer you a drink almost every minute. But as I said, this ain’t Vegas, Baby!
I was always trust myself to never losing control as I am an OCD person who mostly control freak on anything. So yeah, after won 3,500 bucks I stopped and when back to my room to get some rest. It was 3 o’clock in the morning and we planned to go to Macau Tower the next day and I did not want to miss all of that. But the next day, after came back touring around downtown Macau, I could not help myself. My hands were so itchy to tried my luck again as I got my self confidence on this game already. Now I believe that gambling is addicted as much as drugs, cigarettes, and stuffs. So, that’s it, I was off to Blackjack table again and lose 1,500 bucks. Maybe it was not my night or maybe just one of my unlucky night, or whatever. Luckily, I was not so much a gambler at the end, so I stopped at the right time.
The next day I was not gambling at all as I went to Hong Kong for a day trip and back at night to saw Zaia show from Cirque O Soleil at my hotel. I went to O show from the same Cirque O Soleil at Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas, and again, I was like ‘this ain’t Vegas, Baby! The show was almost the same but the quality of the show was way different. Maybe because Zaia was a new show that started only couple days before so maybe the performances were not quiet ready yet. During the show, the catchers were failed to catch the girls and dropped them on the net. Very disappointed. And the stage was way too small and too close to the audiences. So no wonder if they did not get a standing applause from the audiences. What did you expect with disappointed performance like that?
My last night in Macau, I was like, okay since this is my last night so I am going to try my luck once again on the Blackjack table. And guess what, I won 2,500 bucks, yippy kaye…! So in total, I won 4,000 bucks and that was enough to cover all of my shopping. What else could a girl want consider this was my first gambling? So after all, my holiday was fantastic! I love this town, even this ain’t Vegas whatsoever, this is Macau, Baby! And did I mention that I was nearly bought a Gucci mobile phone that looks so cool with gold platted and Gucci leather case on back of the phone and Swarovski Chrystal for the blings. It was so hip-hop style and I was so dying to have it. But when I asked Gucci dealer at the mall, they said they did not know anything about that stuff. So it was definitely fake. I was like, only in China..
^_^

The Pursuit of Happiness

How do you divine happiness? A lot of money, great husband and kids, beautiful house, successful business or just simply doing whatever you like in the world? Every human being have their own opinion, for sure. One of my best friend has everything that every women want in their life. A rich husband who own a successful business, great big mansion, fancy car, everything, just name it! But she wasn’t even wait for one year to made a big decision to left her so called happy life and now married her childhood sweetheart and live as a housewife in a small simple house. Is she happy with her life now? Only God knows. But at least this is what she wants and she never regrets anything.
I sometimes called myself lucky in life and in love. Everything just seems to come to what I want and what I plan. But am I happy? Well, to be honest is I don’t even know what is the meaning of happiness. I know that I got almost everything I want in my life but as a human being I always feel something missing and I don’t even know what it was.
My other best friend has a beautiful body that every women can wish for. Even if she is not a size zero type of girl, but she is so womanly shape and sexy. But she is so obsessed with big boobs and planning of getting a boobs job while everyone envy her body shape. In the other hand, I never think that big boobs is sexy. I even said to my friends that I am quiet happy with my flat chest so that I can wear as low cut dress as I want without looking trashy. But I am so obsessed with big butt like J-Lo has. So I always said that if one day I decided to do a plastic surgery, it will be probably a butt implant.
I read in a cheesy woman’s book that happiness is in our mind not in our heart. You can be happy if you think that you are happy. I was a little bit skeptical when I read that book at first but after a while I realized that it was probably true. Your brain control everything in your body, right? And it’s including your feeling. When I am feeling blue, I sometimes just ignore it and keep on my positive thinking that it was nothing. When my friend upset because a guy did not return her call, I always said that she has nothing to be upset about because that guy is the one who loose not her. And you know what? It works. She started to smiles and forget all about that.
So, in my pursuing of happiness I found that there is no certain rules about the definition of happiness. You can say that you are happy while people think that you are a loser. You can be happy when people think that you have nothing to be proud of, or you can be happy while people think that you are an idiot. It is only a matter of thinking.
^_^

Man, I Feel Like A Woman!

My man and I were having a double date dinner with his best friend and his wife, which I never met before. During the dinner, my man and his friend were talking about business which made me kind of bored. So, I stood and excused myself said that I need to used a rest room. The wife stood as well and said, ”I’ll join you!” Those two men looked at us and gave us their amusing look.
Why do men find it is amusing that women love to share everything together, even for that private matter? Can you imagine if two guys said, “Let’s go to the toilet together,” The image of that probably give everyone a wrong impression. But it is totally okay for women. Why? Maybe because women are more solid than men?
I always have day out with my sidekick at least once a week. One day, just when I arrived home, my best friend called me right away, and we talked on the phone for another hour. When we finished, my man looked at me with, yup you are right, his amusing looks. He was like, “Didn’t you just spend five hours with her today? That was not enough so you have to talked on the phone for another hour after that? Straight after that?” Gosh, men just don’t get it, do they?
So, are women more solid than men or we just justify our behavior? Maybe both, or maybe none of those correct. Or maybe men just simply don’t get it. Whatever. Yup, we are love doing something that means nothing for men. Who cares. The most important thing is being a woman justify all of the smallest and not so important things that we have done in our life. Thanks God, I am a woman!
^_^

Love

If love is blind
Then why I can see all the bad things about him?
If love is sacrifice
Then why I never willing to give up anything for him?
If love is unconditionally
Then why I always expect something back from him?
If love is about feeling
Then why I feel nothing for him?
If love is what they said about love
Then why do I need explanation?
^_^

Loving You

I don’t love you like those blooming red roses
Nor even those pink daisies
I love you in the dark of the night
In the darkness that full of secrets
I love you in silent
In a cold chilled quietness
Even though loving you doesn’t mean owning you
But for me that is all the pleasure that I dream of
And even though loving you is a total sacrifice
But for me that is a happiness
^_^

Not A Love Poem

I wrote this poem for you
But it is not a love poem
Because my heart feels tired
Adoring you with all of my thoughts
And I wrote a poem for you
But not a love poem
Because the feeling inside me
All changed over all of the disappointments
So it is, this poem is for you and only you
But it is not a love poem
Because my heart is cold and frozen
Since you no longer there
And the truth is, this poem is about you
But not about love
Because my love is such a beautiful thing
So I will only share it with anyone but you
I wrote this poem when I remember you
But not because of love, that I can assure you
'Cause there is no such a feeling in my heart
Not even a little tingling
And yes, this poem is dedicated to you
But not to love
Because there is no sparks whatsoever
Even when you are flirting with me
So I wrote a poem for you
But not a love poem
^_^

Loneliness

Who should I blame if I am now alone?
What should I do if I miss you this much?
Where should I go if I want you so bad?
How should I tell you that I need you by my side?
Who should I hug when I am cold?
What should I do if I want to kiss you?
Where should I put all of these passions?
How could I make love if I am not with you?
Who should I call if I need someone to talk to?
What should I sacrifice to have your smile?
Where should I through all of these temptations?
How should I make you understand that my dreams are always about you?
Who should comfort me when I have a nightmare?
What should I offer to make deal with your ego?
Where should I hide all of my tears?
How should I cry to ease all of your angers?
Who should I blame if you are now gone?
What should I do if you don’t want to carry on?
Where should I go to have you around?
How could I make love if only you that I want?
^_^

In The Name Of Love

My friend Wina (not a real name, of course) cheated on her husband. When I asked her why, she said that she really-really in love with this new guy and she said that this new guy really brought something different in to her life, bla-bla-bla. She even think of leaving her husband for him. The only thing that stop her from doing that was a little boy that they have together. One question came up in my mind? How far someone will go in the name of love? Would they sacrifice everything that they got in life just because of a little thing called love?
When I graduated from university, my boyfriend back then proposed to me. And I turned him down, because even if I was in love with him at that moment, but I knew that I could not sacrifice what I got just because of that. I still wanted to pursued my dreams. And even if I loved him, I didn’t think that I would willing to spent the rest of my life with him. So, here I am now, got almost all of my dreams and have no regret what so ever.
When I decided to be with my man, I knew that was not just because of love. I can assure you that love was not even the first consideration back then. I am very sure that love is not something immortal. It can be faded away, and when that time come, you will look for something new out there. I chose to be with him because of the comfort feeling that he gave me all the time and all the good things in life that I learned from him that makes me believed that I could be a better person if I am with him (sounds cliché, but true though). And I never got this from anyone else before. So, when my love faded away, like couple years ago, I did look for it somewhere else, but I did not cheating on him. Well, at least not physically. Oh, no…I will not do that. Even in the name of love…specially in the name of love!
Back to my friend Wina, she is still with her husband now. But she also keep her relationship with the new guy. I feel sorry for her hubby, but one of my German friend who lives together with her boyfriend in Germany once said that if her boyfriend leaves, then maybe there is something wrong with her. That her boyfriend must find something that he wanted but he could not get it from her. Hum-mm, I don’t know about this. In my friend’s case, this is probably right. Her husband’s job makes him travels a lot and leave her and their son for months. He only comes home like every third month and stays for couple weeks and then back to work again. Like my friend said, she has her need to fulfill indeed. But can that justified her affair? Can love justified her affair?
When you decided to marry someone, isn’t it not just about love but also a commitment? If you committed to spend the rest of your life with someone, you know…the ‘till death do us part’ thing in your wedding’s vow, don’t you think that you have an honor to keep those words? And don’t you think that to keep your vow, it needs a lot more than just love? And folks, if you are cheating on your spouses, please don’t blame love for that. Because love is not that strong, but passion and temptation are. Well, at least judging by their name, they should be.
^_^

Slave Of Modernization

What were we doing before mobile phone even exist? How do we communicate with our love ones when our jobs forced us to mobile? Are we in the era where people so depends on gadgets, such as mobile phone, computer, and stuffs?
I have three mobile phones. Well, I used to have four but as I wrote before, I lost one of them at Changi airport Singapore on my last trip there (don’t even ask, it’s a long story). But yeah, I have three mobile phones, one for my personal matter, one for my business, and one was for nothing since I got this phone for free from one of my Credit Card’s company, so why not? And I am a mobile person, so I really do need this gadget.
Last week, I dropped my O2 Xda phone (I told you that I am a clumsy girl, aren’t I?) and this thing suddenly went bonkers. I could not make any calls, but still good on text. Since I got two other phones, I was kind of let it laid for a while. I was like, I will put it in to a service center as soon as I got time. Then, out of sudden my man lost his phone at work so that he needs a phone to use temporarily until he got time to have a look and buy a new one. Of course, I lend him one of mine, still got one working phone on me, right?
Wrong. Yesterday morning, I charged my Motorola V3 before I left home. This cute little thing did not response. I wasn’t really sure it was the charger or the phone was broken, but since the phone still work properly, so I supposed it might be the charger. I still can use this thing until yesterday afternoon when the battery went off. No choice, I have to put my mobile phones in to the service immediately. But they need two working days to fix them. So, here I am, so get used to my mobiles that I always call as my LSS (Life Supporting System), but have to let them go for a couple of days. How could I?
Well, first day successfully passed. Actually, I was kind of like it. Not too good on my business side though, since I could not contacted my broker at stock market to found out about my shares, but look at the bright side of it, Indonesian stock exchange’s index actually went down more that 3% today but I did not know anything about it and can still enjoy my day! And look at another bright side of it, normally if I was not at home, my man always call to check on me. You know, where am I, who I’m with, what time will I be home, those kind of things, but now he could not tracked me down. A-ha!
So, am I a slave of modernization or I am just a normal person who follows the world? What were we doing before mobile phones came to our life? Even if I was okay on my first day without my mobiles, but still, can not wait for tomorrow so I can pick up my phones from the service center!
^_^

Are You Man Enough?

My man hates pink color. For some reasons he just could not stand of the color that he thought was a girlie one. A question came up in my mind? Is pink is a girlie color? I do like pink, but I am not a girlie type of girl. No-no, I am not. What is wrong with that color that makes men a little bit uncomfortable with it? My gay friends always refuse to use that color because they thought it will be too obvious for them. I was like, how come?
For century now, most of people think that gender has color. If you are going to have a baby girl, then you decorated her room in pink. And if you are going to have a baby boy, then blue is the color. Funny though, this color thing only happen to men. Women never even bother. If they said blue is a man’s color, then why women never feel intimidated with this color. We are okay wearing blue outfit or black or any other color.
One of my male friend said that he won’t wear any pink or red color outfit, because he is afraid some people might have a wrong impression on him since he is indeed a little bit soft kind of guy. I was like, so what? Why a lot of guys afraid of people might have a wrong impression of them if they are wearing a certain color like pink? If you think you are man enough, if you think that you kind of a macho guy, then why you so intimidated with a color? Don’t you think it is in fact showing that you are probably not sure about your self? If you feel comfortable with your self, don’t you think you should be brave to wear any color without thinking that other people might think of you as the other way?
So guys, are you man enough to wear pink?
^_^

When You Leave Me

If you leave me tomorrow
Don’t bother to wake me up
Or even leave a note
Because the last thing that I want from you is your goodbye
If you leave me, don’t worry
There will still be a memory
About you and me and our story
About how making love can be such a beauty
If you leave me, I won’t be sad
Even you’re going to take away half of my heart
Even if I let you taking the best of me
But I have no regret, no I don’t have
And Baby, when you leave me
Just go and leave me alone
I promise you there will be no tears
Because I won’t cry for my stupidity
So Baby, when you leave me tomorrow
Don’t bother to wake me up
Because there is no point for me to be awake
Until you are back, I’d rather be asleep
^_^