Please Be Suffer With Me

I had a fight with my man last night over a stupid problem. I wanted to spent time with my friends but he wanted me to come home and had dinner with him. Of course, I chose to be with my friends and yeah, so we had an argument. I was so upset about it then out of nowhere I text my sort of ex boyfriend who is still pretty much in touch with me, as a matter of fact, he still hopes that we can be together again. Because of that, I was thinking that he would probably tried his best to cheer me up. Did he?

For the first half an hour yeah, he did. But after a while, he tried to convinced me to leave my man and be with him again. Oh no, he didn’t say that literally, but he said that I should not come home to my man and if I need a place to cooling myself down then his place is welcome for me. Of course, that was not something that I will do but for a split second it did come in to my mind. Thanks God that my common sense was still pretty much taking control.

When I told my ex that I can’t do that, as a man of course he couldn’t take it. No, we didn’t have any argument because I didn’t say anything back to him but yeah, he did say something that hit me badly. He said that I was an ignorant and selfish human being who has no feeling what so ever. Well, that is true though and I never runaway of those facts. But he did say something else that really kind of wake me up and smell the coffee of how bad I am as a human being. Do you really want to know what did he say?

Well, he said that when I feel something hurting me then I want the whole world suffer with me too. Confuse? Me too. Then here is his explanation. He said that I only think of myself and how I am not supposed to be hurt by anyone. When my man wants me to spend time with him but I don’t want to then I won’t do that without thinking of how does he feel about that. I just do whatever I want to do. But when he is upset then we have an argument, I then come to my ex without thinking of his feeling either. Then when my ex try to help me with what he thought as a way out of my problem, I didn’t do that either. I still come back to my man without any consideration of my ex’s feeling. All that I care is just myself and how the whole world should be suffer with me when I do. I was like, OMG am I that bad? Am I a bad person?

So yeah, this morning I woke up with these thoughts in my mind. I couldn’t sleep at all last night thinking of how could I be that person? I really hate myself now.

^_^