Picking Up The Pieces

As you guys probably knew already, I had some kind of love life tragedy recently hence my personal life disastrous. I was kind of losing grip for a while there and, to topped that, my folks back home ultimate me to come back to them. I was like WTH? That wasn't help at all, guys! I mean, for all the times that I could remember, Bali is my life and my life is Bali. I could never portrait myself living in anywhere else but this island. Na-ah. There was a time I drowned in tears at night whenever I try to face these options. I really don't want to be labelled as an ungrateful daughter to my parents, but in the other hand, I have so many plans for my future and non of them include going back home.
So yeah, yesterday what I was afraid of these whole time finally happened. I was kind of having an argument with my mum, and as much as I tried to avoid it, at the end I was like sort of raised my tone to her and I felt terrible. I mean, these whole time, compare to my brother and sister, I was the last person who ever had any arguments with our parents. If I did something that doesn't fit their satisfaction and they said something about it, instead of talk back I'd prefer keeping it inside me and didn't say anything. No matter how hard they can be sometimes but I choose not to response. Besides, am not an argumentative type of person after all. Hey, that's why I write, remember? Ha!

Okay, now back to the title. After having this kind of turmoil life last year, I now decided to stand up and fix everything for my own good. I still losing grip here and there for sure, but I don't have time to crumble down anymore. Or, it's more like I refused to make time for myself to even think about it. I live for the future so why should I waste my time to even think about the past? A dear friend once said, what's in the past can stay in the past. True, I've learnt some big lessons from my unpleasant experience but time moves on and not moves back. As for my parents, I owe them apologise for everything I've done in the past and everything that I will do in the future that hurt and going to hurt their feelings. I mean, it's not that I don't want to listen to their words, but we three are having this slightly different way on how to deal with life. For me, life is something fun and I don't take it too serious. Maybe that gives them some kind of itch a little bit and I don't blame them for that. We are totally live in different eras and I can totally understand that it was our culture that taught us that until a daughter got married, she's still in her parents responsibility. But now it's like 2011 already! That kind of thinking is not even acceptable anymore. And what is having a dog with me has got to do with everything? Oh, I forgot to mention that it wasn't just having me back home that my parents asked me to do but also to get rid of my puppy as it was strictly prohibit in my religion to have dogs as pets. OMG, can you believe that? At nowadays? My fault maybe, for always turning to them whenever I need help, financially to be exact, therefore they were like having this kind of feeling that they still have some controls for my life in their minds. But who else should I turn to financially if not them? Ha!

So yeah, having these whole things writing down on my blog is actually my way to offer everyone in the past my apologises. Even if sometimes I was like, "I didn't do anything wrong" but for sure, I do realise that I might did something that hurt others, especially my folks, unintentionally I hope. Then there's nothing to be ashamed of, no excuse to not admit that and ask for their forgiveness. I now really try my best picking up the pieces that left behind by my personal and love life disastrous, so the last thing that I need at the moment is having this sort of feud with my beloved parents as well. Not something that I can deal with at this point. So yeah, am so sorry mum and dad, for the high pitch tone I used the other day, you know it's not me normally. Am not proud of that at all and hopefully you guys can totally understand my frustration that day from our differentiation. But yeah, mum..no offence, and I do love you with all my heart..but am totally keeping my puppy and nothing can stop me from having him. And oh yeah..am not coming back home either. Am so very sorry. Oh dear God, please bless me?

^_^